Week 5

Trying to stay positive today. It's almost working yet I still am finding negatives to hold on to.

God's way of working is probably the most non efficient way ever. It just the stuff that He puts in our life and let's us deal with is so contradictory to what He promises in the Bible. The fact,His love covers all, is really hard to believe because I for one don't feel His love (well His joy and peace that come with it) and that makes me doubt Gods actually existence. Or if what we believe about God is even right. Like the Bible could just be a book with a lot of good morals not the holy word of God. Like if He Himself wrote it I might be a bit more reluctant to believe. The whole blind faith thing puts a huge check in my spirit and if something doesn't seem right then question. And the basis to Christianity is blind faith.

I was thinking why am I even a Christian in the first place? And after process of elimination I figured the only reason to keep being a Christian is to stay out of Hell. So each day I wake up my job is to not sin so I won't burn for eternity. And if God is Love then that my friends is a load of crap. Living that way is not of God, and if God hides our purpose from us till we need to know, what do we until that time? If you don't have a purpose then what's the point of living. Why do I need to be on this screwed up world if Heaven is where I really should be. Thats where the notion of taking my life becomes a bit more justifiable. I won't because of the effort my parents have put into me. Like if God loves me I can safely assume He wants the best for me. Being alive on the earth is NOT the best. just saying think about it.

I am put 'god' to a challenge. I am calling him out. If he is almighty then he will strike me down. If he is loving I will feel his love. If he is real he will make himself known. If he deserves my praise then show me why.


Bring it God!