Day 16

If you have read this far you may have been quite shocked by what I have written. I am like a very deep like person when it comes to like writing and stuff. So the last entry was Friday and now it's Wednesday, since then I have broken free of a few major struggles, have answered a few questions and gained a bit more understanding of myself and who God is.

God has given me a word of conformation to be here by saying I don't need to look for conformation and just to be free while I am here. Kinda backwards huh. But it has really let me relax and be free. I have really thrown myself into my art and searching for answers to my questions.

On Friday, we wrote a list of things that were holding us back in our relationship with God. I must say I filled the page with a buch of scribbles. I was quite ashamed too. Then we were to go outside and burn the list. I have done this before and have gotten frustrated because after throwing the stuff into fire nothing happens. I didn't really want to do this at all. But I came to realize that I never asked for help and accountability, so I stood at the fire and asked with much discomfort the entire school and staff to stand behind me in my effort to overcome these struggles. I am noticing how stubborn I can be. After we threw all our lists into the fire, we spilt into pairs and talked about what we threw away. That was not easy. I was with Josh and Octavio, and I do respect them because they are older and wiser then me, and I wanted to be, in their eyes, more then a 17 year old boy. And sharing this stuff from my list makes me look so bad. Yet I still shared and found out that they struggle with huge problems as well. And we all had a hard time sharing so it was a bit easier to share. This was good for me because I can release these problems now. Noe that they are out in the open, it is easier to ask for more specific help and prayer. Which is key to solving a problem. I've noticed that God likes specifics, He knows are hearts and it easier for us to open up and let God read our heart then to try and explain, but He also wants us to ask specifically so He can heal specifically.

My fine art project is finished and turned out alright. I spent till two am working on I on sunday and many other hours. But like before boring people never get noticed. The critique on Monday was brutal. Since I had spent so much time I was in my mind I was finished, so the first thing Stephan said was today in our track time we are going to continue our work and it will be due tomorrow. Grr. Stephan was talking to the Chloe and Fina then came over to me and asked "so tell me your concept". I went explaining and good ol' Stephan said

"Interesting"

We are trying to band that word in the art studio.